This really should be a “worst”, not “best”, but I can only work with what I have. Anyway, don’t do this.

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About Josh Roseman
Josh Roseman (not the trombonist; the other one) has been published in -- among others -- Asimov's, Escape Pod, and Evil Girlfriend Media. He's published two short-story collections, THE CLOCKWORK RUSSIAN and BOSS FIGHT, as well as a novel, AFTER THE APOCALYPSE. When not writing, he mostly complains that he's not writing. Find him online at roseplusman.com, or on Twitter @listener42.